project: 'clintism'    

Commandment #4:
"Thou shall try to require a lubricant"

In lotus position on the queen sized bed, I looked more like I was meditating than plotting a sexual fantasy.

I bet that if anyone came in and found me, silent and sitting with my legs Indian style, they would just pass it off as some weird 'back to nature' spiritual ritual. Teenagers are always portrayed as religiously seeking.

In reality, I was eyeing the small round bottle on the bookshelf four feet away. Since I'd only cause suspicion if I locked my door ('Are you jacking off in there, Bob?'), I didn't dare to actually sit with the bottle in my hand. That would amount to some questions I wasn't ready to answer yet, should somebody come in. So I sat there and pretended to hold it instead.

I have a very vivid imagination, and when I closed my eyes, I could almost swear that I really was holding it. My fingertips, hard skinned from long, intense drumming sessions, could feel the cool plastic forming the softly rounded white bottle. On one side, there'd be the label. Small and discreet, with it's tiny instruction and contents description, and the logo in slightly larger print. I'd read it so many times I could have repeated all the words in my sleep. Without hesitation. The blue letters forming the very neutral logo of Fenmore Products wasn't the most revolutionizing thing in the world, but the inscription below, in black, was: Lubrication.

Shaking my head ever so lightly, I opened my eyes to take the white container in sight once more. It was neatly aligned with a heart shaped porcelain jewelry box (a gift from a fan I'd dated twice. I still remembered how she always giggled whenever I'd spoken, as if everything I said was a joke.) and a white cologne bottle. Unless you knew what it was, or turned on it and read the label, you'd never imagine that it contained a thick, smooth, almost silky substance, designed to make the sins of the flesh a tad bit easier.

All in all, I'd ensured that everything looked completely innocent and explainable. Breathing out heavily, I remembered the brief phone conversation earlier in the week:

-Will you come over Friday?

-Friday? Yeah, I can stop by...

It had taken me two months. Eight weeks of careful work. Eight weeks of hesitation, need, doubt, regret, insecurity, trial and error. Finally we'd both decided to touch upon the topic, like the two inexperienced teens we were. I remembered that conversation too:

-It's going to hurt, isn't it Bobby?

-I can try and get some lube, if you want...?

-Yes, please do that.

And I had. It had delayed the planned night with an additional day, and it'd resulted in more nail biting hours for us both. I'd finally seen my chance when my oldest brother had chosen me to accompany him on a mission to restock his condom supply. I had bought some too, although I had an unopened pack faithfully lying under some papers in my nightdrawer.

It was when Scott expertly searched through his choices, looking for a specific brand, that I'd done it. Just a quick movement of my hand, and the cool bottle from Fenmore Products had ended up in my pocket. I didn't have the guts to actually buy it. Scott didn't notice a thing, and I'd even been able to joke about the glow-in-the-dark condom type, so relieved was I that the chance had come out of nowhere. Then I'd hung onto the bottle with the greatest care, and begun planning on the next and final move.

Tonight, Saturday night, it was going to happen. Tonight was the night. That's why I was sitting here meditating, going over everything in my mind, tiredless, to keep from letting the excitement get the best of me. Tonight would be the first time. I shivered slightly.

-I'm afraid. It's going to hurt, isn't it, Bobby?

It was going to. There was nothing I could do to prevent it. All I could do, was try and milden it as much as possible, with gentleness. And lube.

There was a slight tap at the door.

-Bob? We're leaving now!

-Alright!

Dad and Sheila had left yesterday to go visit some friends in Nova Scotia. Dave was in Germany with his girlfriend. And every night, Clint and Scott went out to God knows where, and didn't come home until the early hours. Neither did they come into my room when they came home. They wouldn't notice if I brought someone over and had them spend the night... As long as I managed to have Jo out of here come morning, everything would run smoothly.

I waited a few minutes until the house quietened, and then I wandered around, checking every room just to make sure Clint and Scott had both left. I heated myself a frozen pizza, and ate it in solitude, waiting for the clock to turn seven.

We'd been together for a long time now, Jo and I. None of my family knew, cause I didn't want them to butt into my business. I was 19 years old and could manage my lovelife on my own thankyouverymuch. Not to mention I was a virgin, sort of, and so was Jo. The embarassement and shyness kept me from letting even my brothers know. That's why I had to hide it.

I loved Jo. More than I'd loved any girl in my past. Jo was different. When we talked it was different. When we kissed it was different. When we looked at each other, it was different. I hadn't dared talk about how I felt, but I'd sworn to myself to reveal it someday soon. I knew I'd get an 'I love you too' in return. I knew it. How could this strong feeling not be returned? It was out of the question. I bit my lip and wondered if I should say it tonight, or if that'd be the wrong time.

The irritating, persistant noise of the doorbell being rung pierced through my little thought trail. I'd finished my pizza. It was five minutes past. Opening the door, I was greeted by a familiar pair of large blue eyes.

-Hi.

I was so insecure that was all I could say. The rest of my thoughts stayed with me. The insecurity must have been mutual, cause all I got in reply was a nod. I lead us quickly to my bedroom. Not because I really wanted to start at once, but because I wanted to avoid chickening out after stalling things in the living room with some strained conversation. Besides, I think we both were just eager to get the first part overwith, neither being completely comfortable, not knowing how to act or what to say. We'd waited so long now, talked so much... It was time. I eyed the bottle of lubricant as I entered, paranoidly checking that it hadn't disappeared into thin air while I'd gone to answer the door. Quickly darting my eyes away again, I offered:

-Have a seat.

I gestured to the bed, intentionally ignoring the couch and two chairs.

-Why don't you join me?

Oh, that voice! Why did it always run into my ears like the sound of floating water, a busy stream through virgin woods? Clear. Melodic. Tempting. Innocent. I knew what I was asked. Knew that Jo wanted me to take lead. Intitiate, lead and fulfill this... Yeah, what was it? An act of sex, yes, but also so much more...

-Alright...

I sat down, close. So close that my hand naturally rested on his thigh, not mine. Avoiding to look at him, I started stroking, feeling the warmth of his skin through thick denim. So heated was he. Seconds later, he turned towards me witrh parted lips, and I leaned in. With my hand sneaking between his legs to caress his inner thigh, we kissed. His lips were warmer than mine, smaller, yet so much softer. They were so invitingly moist and shiny, always, since he had a habit of licking them every now and then. Now he was moving them over my mouth, his head tilted slightly to the side. Before long, I felt my insides stir and demand more. Obbediently, my tongue invaded his mouth to explore, and my fingers moved in search of his crotch. Slowly, either unaware or teasing, he parted his legs to allow me room.

I crept up the insides of his thigh slowly, busying him with the kiss to take his mind off what I was doing. As I finally reached the center where his legs met and stroked over the fabric, he broke from my lips and moaned, tilting his head back, eyes closed.

-Oooooh, God...

I smiled, strangely proud. It was such a rush to be able to make him moan like that. To know that what I did to him made him aroused. I could feel his member expanding underneath the clothing and my fingers. It aroused me too.

I'd realised I was of the kind that could fall for both guys as well as girls when I as a confused 16 year old crushed on a guy that lived across the road from us. I'd never approached him with it, but I'd taken the realisation, accepted it, and then buried it within me. It had taken three whole years before I experienced it again, that tingling sensation in my stomach when I looked at someone of my own gender. I'd fallen for Josh the first time we got to talk to eachother undisturbed. He was so interesting to talk to, so softspoken and... Well, feminine. His long slender fingers and moist lips had made me bring the knowledge from back then up again from the depths of my inner.

I'd told my twin that I thought I had feelings for a guy. To my surprise, he'd been really cool and said that all guys go through that and that I should just test myself, so that I'd know. The following week, Josh and I sat up talking until the early morning hours, and before I went home, I kissed him. It felt just as kissing a girl, only with a whole lot more emotion, since I'd grown a hurd of butterflies in my stomach. I was in love with him, but I didn't tell him that.

From that night, we'd spent as much time as we could with each other, and had slowly, very slowly, started to explore this newfound territory. He was a little younger than me, and had only one miserable experience with a girl in his past. He was positive that he was gay. I on the other hand had had a few girlfriends, and had also slept with them, and had no problems in enjoying that, no sir. Which made me bisexual.

Nature had started to demand something more than just kisasing and very careful, shy touching from us, and we'd began talking about having sex with each other. Anal sex was something I'd never done before, and neither had he, but still he insisted that I'd be the one 'doing' him. So we'd planned this night, worried about it and bitten our fingernails to blood thinking about it. Now here we were, finally, ready to take that step into a sexual relationship.

Now we were here, at the culmination of our love. His lips parted in extacy, and my fingers urging his cock to grow. Wanting to taste him again I slid my other hand around his neck, pulling his face back to me and pressed my lips once more against his. He kissed back eagerly, drinking from the love that soared through me.

Growing bored from just french kissing (if that's even possible) I began carefully nibbling on his lower lip, teasing it with my teeth very lightly, and I was awarded with a soft sigh. I grinned, and shifted to spread a series of kisses down his jaw and neck, biting his shoulder lightly, leaving slight marks. He sighed again, louder now, and began leaning back. I let go of him and watched as he crawled up to rest on the pillows, his body stretched out for me on my bed. He then proceeded to look at me, the invitation to his body apparant in his eyes. 'Do what you want. Help yourself to me.' Jesus, it turned me on.

I stood up and quickly made a detour over to the bookshelf, grabbing the bottle and returning with it to put it on the nightstand. Then I turned off the light in the ceiling - leaving only the lamp on the nightstand on - and lifted myself up in the bed with him. He smiled slightly, shy, and reached out for me. Willingly I let him drag me ontop of him, for the first time feeling my own throbbing erection against his, through layers of annoying clothes. My immediate reaction was to start tugging on his shirt, longing for his skin, longing for the feel of him naked against me. But he hushed me, and stopped my hands by taking them in his. I caught his teeth biting his lip, and whispered:

-What is it...? Tell me.

He averted his eyes and a flush of cherry crept over his cheekbones.

-Do you want to... Front or back?

His shyness was amusing, but I knew better than to laugh. Instead I just caressed his cheek, and planted a soft kiss on his lips, smiling.

-I want to see you when I make love to you for the first time, Jo.

He nodded, as if saying 'Of course', and blushed a bit again. I was proud of myself for daring to say 'make love to you'. It would make 'I love you' so much easier to say later.

To put his mind out of control instead of worrying about minor details I leaned down to kiss him again, while reaching my hand down to sneak under his pants and to his warmth. I somehow managed to creep under the boxers as well, and before either of us realised, I'd touched him for the first time. He sucked in a breath, and widened his eyes, all but crying out loudly. I reacted too, feeling the heat of his cock run through my arm and into my body, lighting that burning fire in me that would eventually drive me into him and into bliss.

-Please! God, Bobby, please!

I obeyed, tightening my grip and moving my hand in quick fluid motions up and down on him, making sure to let my thumb stroke over the place where the head meets the shaft and it feels extra good. The responce was amazing. His hips bucked up to meet my hand, his head pressing itself back against the pillow and his body panting for air. Magnificent. Nothing felt better than to drive your lover nuts with craving and pleasure. He pleaded me inbetween breaths, not asking anything in perticular, but asking all the same, lost to this world. But I had to stop, the hem of his jeans had started to dig into my wrist, and being a drummer, I couldn't afford to let that happen.

I withdrew only to begin fighting with his clothes, pulling his grey shirt up and to his neck, leaving it there for him to remove and dove for the pants. Minutes later, I dropped his boxers onto the floor and sat on my knees beside him, admiring his lean, tanned body. Tentativedly I reached out, and gently let my fingertips explore his crotch, strangely so different from my own. He was much less hairy, and the hairs themselved softer and not so curly and wild as mine were, making his patch more inviting for say, a blowjob. I made a note to do that to him sometime, but at the moment, we had other things to do. I let my fingers wander over his ballsack, being very careful, and then trailed up his shaft from the underside. He gasped low, his hands stretching out to grab the matrass on either side of him, clenching it hard in his tight grip.

I grinned, and kept on examining him, taking my time to familiarise myself with the differences between us, teasing his head a little, and then shifting my attention to his hole. Now we'd both read about the joys of anal sex guy/girl style, and I knew what to do to make this as easy on him as possible. Yet now, face to face with the task at hand, it didn't seem as easy.

Prodding with my pinky, I watched as he twitched, then forced himself to relax. I prodded again, gentler this time, and he let out a vague noise.

-Good or Bad?

-Not unpleasant...

Retrieving the lube, I dipped a finger in it and then returned to prod him again. This time, to my astonishment, it sank inside him easily with a 'swoop' sound. I had to keep myself from breathing out relieved. A part of me had worried that it'd not work somehow. But it did, and I moved my finger slowly, mapping out his insides and letting him get used to having something moving inside him.

-It feels good.

I pulled back and lubed up another finger, trying two now, very carefully. Again, it worked like a charm, and I could start stretching him out a little by separating my fingers and twirling them around. Jo breathed choppily again. First then, I noticed that my own breath was on the verge of panting too. I looked down and saw my own hardon straining against the denim to free itself and get inside of the boy beside me. Biting my teeth, I brought my hand back and started to undress.

Jo watched with a strange twinkle in his eyes as I lifted my shirt and then threw it onto the pile his clothes had made on the floor. Then I undid my belt and zipper, standing up in the bed to let my pants fall. Suddenly he beckoned me closer, and I stepped out of my discarded jeans to kneel down and crawl over to him. I closed my eyes when he reached out to pull my boxers down himself. The shock when his hands touched my skin was breathtaking. Electric jolts flew through me, lighting every nerve, alerting every limb. I felt myself shiver even before the cool air of the room enveloped my dick and I hung free of the underwear that had held me captive. Seconds later I felt his curious hands on me. All I could do was try and keep from falling or scream out, and let him explore me like I'd done him.

-You're bigger.

-I'm older.

-You're harier.

-I know. You're more beautiful.

-Shut up.

-Okay. Are you ready though?

-...Yeah.

I nodded, and moved to sit by his knees again, placing the lube bottle next to me. Reaching down to grab my jeans, I retrieved a condom from the pocket, and tore it open. After rolling it onto my now fully erect cock, I applied the cool gel genorously. Jo reached over as well, and dipped his finger, helping to add it to himself. I watched as he slid a finger inside himself, and nodded as a signal. I was ready.

What followed was the best and yet worst moment of my life. When I pressed inside him, I felt better than I'd done in a long time. Even if it was very different from being inside a girl, it felt so good and so intense, due to the fact that I loved him. At the same time, I had to live with the grimace of pain on his face, his head turned to the side and his breath caught in his throat to lessen the hurting. I fetl awful, and promised myself that next time, he'd get to do this to me, and the we'd be equal. I couldn't bare anything else. Then I waited patiently, feeling his inner shift around me constantly, struggling to accept the size of the intrudor. Finally his body relaxed, and he opened his eyes.

I licked my dry lips and dipped down to kiss him. The force of his kissing in reply susprised me. His hands slid around my back, and his legs hitched around my knees, holding me tight and pushing me another inch deeper into him. I groaned into his mouth and felt myself throb against his inner walls. It was so tight, and so much warmer than being inside a girl. Yet with a girl, it was much smoother and easier to move. I couldn't decide which I enjoyed more. Right now I didn't care. It was driving me wild with craving and need for release. I picked up a slow rhytm, advancing after a bit, and then as he had no objections and no signs of any pain on his face, I let the thrusts flow over into downright fucking. He shoved his hips back at me every time, and our bodies moved in perfect unison after some practice.

The heat that had built up inside me threatened to burn me up, and gathered in a hard ball in the pit of my stomach, lowering with every thrust as my orgasm neared. Jo whimpered low, and reached down between us to fist his own dick, stroking it with the same speed that I was moving in and out of him. I would have done it for him, I wanted to, but right then I could only do one thing, and that was to follow my own bodys demand for relief. It wasn't long until he recieved my love, my back arching and twisting me in a backwards bow as the ball of burning heat inside me released itself, my entire body jolting and shaking with the violent orgasm. I could feel it in every part of my body, out into the tip of my fingers and down in my toes. The warm flowing pleasure that kept washing through me again and again. Then, as abruptly as it'd arrived, it disappeared, and I fell down from my high to lie next to him, having slid out in the process.

He was still moving. I watched, dazed, as he brought himself to a climax, and shot out his jizz in a proud fountain. Not able to stop myself, I reached out a tired hand, and touched the thick, white liquid. While he eyed me with a lifted eyebrow, I licked it off, and sent him a grin.

-It's not as bad as the girls say.

He laughed, and curled into me. I wrapped my arms around him in return, and we lay there, breathing exerted and shivering as the sweat cooled down our bodies. Then we pulled up the covers and cuddled under it, neither saying a word. Our hands entwined just before I fell asleep, and the last thing that swept across my mind, was how lucky I was, and how rich life was when both genders could give me pleasures like these. Josh and I had survived our first time, and only the future lay ahead of us, with many more times to come.

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