Special thanks to Nicci and Echo for helping me with the story =) Love ya both dearly! Mah girlies *g*
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The sound of the doorbell ringing could be heard faintly from inside the house. I stepped back a little, and again sweapt my eyes over the fashionable house. Small things, like the color of the curtains in the windows of the first floor, sent tingles of distant memories through me. But in the second floor, all windows had new and unfamiliar curtains. For a second the thought ran through me, that this was what it was like. I knew, and yet didn't know, the girl I was here to see.
A little more than a year ago, me and Sarah Armstrong had been as close as a couple could get. Our romance had been a stormy one, filled with hot kisses once we were alone, and longing stares when we weren't.
I'd met her, ironically, through my father. Frank had insisted that me and my brothers'd come with him to meet some important person, one of EMI's buisness co-operatives, and his then sixteen year old daughter.
I fell - instantly.
Somewhat five months we'd had together as a couple, after both liking eachother at a distance without daring to speak to one another about it. Then I was forced to break up. She'd understood. I was on my way to begin touring the world again, with the band. When I eventually came back, there'd be promotions and interviews to keep me away. After a few akward phonecalls and half hearted letters, we'd drifted out of reach. Neither had done effort to pick the deep friendship back up.
Now I was here at her parents house, prepared for anything. For all I knew, she's died, moved, or gotten a new boyfriend. Anything was possible after so long time I felt a tension rise when I thought of the last option. I still felt the same for her, still loved her. Thinking of the fact that she could have someone else in her arms was pure torture. I'd never handle seeing her if that was the case. Not even just as a friend.
My eyes drew back to the large front door, as I heard steps from within. Straightening, I prepared for the worst. Her mother opened.
"Mrs. Armstrong?" My voice was calm, but under it so much worry and uncertainty was hidden.
"Bob...? Bobby!"
My body filled on the inside with a warm, pleasant feeling, as she immediatley recognised me. Sarah's parents and I had always gotten along great. They liked me a lot. Her father's connection with EMI's most important bigshots had made Dad allow her as my girlfriend. He was usually very strict on us, but Sarah was an exception.
"Hey, I was... uhm, in town again, and I thought... I'd drop by and see how things were going. With all of you"
A sad look came over her face and the air felt colder.
"Jack died in December. He developed lung cancer from his years of smoking. There's only Sarah and me now, and... But where are my manners! Come in! How are you Bob? How's your brothers? And your dad? Is he still..."
I listened with one ear only, replying here and there. That unfinished 'and...' had worried me. What if she'd meant to say 'Sarah and me... and...' and then someone else's name?
The moment I though it, I pushed the idea away. Why would Mrs. Armstrong hide that from me if it was the case? Why'd she be hiding the fact that Sarah had moved on and found a new guy, instead of going love sick after only a week apart, like I'd done? The only reason I could think of was if she wanted me to hear it from Sarah herself.
Again I said something in reply to her questions. She'd led me into the darkred couch that I remembered from a make out session. The pillows had been so soft... I turned down her offer for coffee, never liked neither coffee nor tea that much, and got to the point.
"Where's Sarah?"
She hesitated a bit and her eyes averted from mine to somewhere on the wall behind me.
"She... She has the entire basement now. It was one of the last things Jack did, redecorate the basement into a little apartment. She's growing up you know... Just like you. You're not kids anymore" Her eyes met mine again, but I couldn't read them. She continiued: "It was silly of me to not send you down there right away, of course I understand that you came to see her"
She smiled a little, and nodded to the staircase.
"I came to see you too, Mrs. Armstrong, and it hurts me to learn that..."
I didn't continiue. I really was sorry. My dad and Sarah's father had become good friends. I knew Dad'd take the news of Jack Armstrong's death hard. If he hadn't already heard it through EMI, but forgotten to tell me.
"Go"
She smiled wider. I returned the grin and headed down.
At the bottom of the stairs there was a short hallway with three doors. Discarding the laundry room and a linnencloset, I faced the last one, proudly proclaiming "Here lives Sarah" on a porcelain painted sign. With a pencil on a piece of paper fastened under it, someone had added two words. My heart froze.
'& Peter'.
I debated going back upstairs, but that would have been stupid. And what would I say to her mother? Besides, I'd come to see Sarah, and I still wanted to, even if we'd never be more than friends.
I refrained from knocking. Mrs. Armstrong had told me to go straight down, which probably meant I wouldn't catch Sarah and this Peter guy red handed in bed or something.
I found her in the main room of her little flat, with her back to me, dusting off some framed pictures on a shelf. A pair of yellow rubber gloves hung over the edge of a bucket half filled with soap and water. House cleaning.
I watched her for a few minutes, studied her movements, the way her waist curved, the way her hair moved. She'd cut it since last time. It hung shortly below her shoulders now, it had used to be much longer. Her softly curled, long, chestnut hair had been one of the things I'd loved about her. Strangely, the new style only looked better.
Suddenly she turned to moisten the little cloth she used to clean off the frames with, and saw me. She jumped slightly.
"Oh God ...Bob! You scared me!" Her expression changed from surprised to slightly scared, and her eyes began examining my face, like I did hers. A year changes your face a little, but hers had matured way more than mine. She seemed older than her soon to be 18 years.
"Um, I'm sorry. You mom said I could... I didn't mean to frighten you"
She stared at me for a few more seconds, and then began breathing again.
"No, that's okay" Pause. "So, where you in the neighbourhood?"
"Yeah. We're on a break now, an entire month before we begin recording again. Since we were so close to here..." I stopped explaining myself into a rant and told her the truth.
"I've missed you. I... I wanted to see you again" I swallowed. "I came here because... I want you back"
She parted her lips slightly and breathed out slowly.
"It's not that easy Bob..."
My bodyheat dropped another few degrees upon hearing her hesitating excuse. "I know. I saw the sign. There's somebody else, and I'm too late. I... I know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't even have said..."
She silenced me with a finger on my lips.
"Bobby, c'mere. I've got to show you something"
Confused, but glad that she'd broken my rambling session, I followed. She led me to the room next to her bedroom. I assumed it was her bedroom from what I could see through the crack in the door as we passed.
The room we headed into was painted in a sunny yellow tone, soft for the eyes to rest on and with small white teddybear print. I looked around. It was a nursery, and on the opposite wall of the door stood a crib, with a thin lace cover.
She swiftly put the white cloth aside and revealed to me the sleeping beauty. A tiny little baby. Hers obviously, but I just couldn't combine the two. Sarah, and a baby. I knew now of course, that there had been someone else. Someone who'd ditched her when she got pregnant maybe? But still, Sarah wasn't the type to... I don't know. I suppose I was just jealous that she'd let someone else be that close to her...
"This is Peter. The name on the door" Her voice was soft, and she looked down on the baby boy, giving the impression that she was talking to him, not me. The little boy stirred and blinked. He'd woken up by our presence. "This is my Petey..." Her finger caressed his cheek and he gave a small baby sound. "He's almost 4 months now"
"But... I mean, not that it's any of my business, but..." I swallowed. I didn't really want to know. "...Who?"
She looked up at me as I began speaking and her face, that had been smiling, changed. She still smiled, but it was a mild and slightly frightened smile.
"He was born in late March. On time. A pregnancy is nine months..."
My head was already doing calculations before she'd finished. Counting backwards I ended up in July last year. The month before me and my brothers had left to go on tour. The month I'd said goodbye to Sarah after breaking up with her. There was no way she would have slept with anyone else so soon... That meant...
Suddenly something else hit me, that I hadn't noticed before. Peter... Robert Franklin Peter. My jaw had dropped.
"Oh. God" I stood there, like a fish on land, my mouth opening and closing, not able to speak and not knowing what to say. Finally, after some horrifying seconds, I regained ability to talk: "He's mine"
"Ours" She changed my statement without denying it. Ours. Our baby. My... Son? A million thoughts swirled around in my head, and all I managed to choke out was a simple question:
"Why didn't you tell me?"
The fright disappeared from her smile and left only mildness and care.
"I would have, but... You'd left when I found out, and technically we didn't have a relationship then..."
"Sarah, those are only excuses, why didn't you tell me?" I felt sad, so sad, that I hadn't been there. Everything else had become unimportant and all that mattered was this one thing: Why she hadn't said anything.
"Bobby, I... I didn't want you to know then"
I was about to say 'why not' when I instead waited. I could see that she was thinking about how to word herself.
"I was afraid. Afraid of becoming a mother at age 16... Well, 17. Afraid of adopting it away, afraid of having an abortion. I didn't know what to do until mommy said she'd help me. She'd figured out, and knew it was you of course, but she only asked once, if I'd told you. When I said no, she left it at that. I didn't let you know because..." She paused and looked intently at me. "Because I knew you. I knew you'd want to take responcability for Peter"
"Of course! But what..."
Again she silenced me with her finger.
"Bobby, I didn't want you to feel that you had to. I didn't want you to feel like you were tied to me and the baby for the rest of your life. I didn't want you to be stuck with me. You were off to see the world, new places, other girls. I didn't want you to have to say no to all that..."
"Sarah..." I touched her shoulder, gently pulling her into a hug. Care and love soared through me. "Sarah, hon... Didn't you ever consider that I'd want to be stuck with you?" I smiled tenderly. "I willingly said no to all other girls, hell, I've never even kissed anyone else after you... I'd have been happy to stay here with you rather than tour. I'd have had to go though, because of CT, Scott and Dave, but sweetie, I loved you, and... I still do"
I kissed her cheek softly. I don't think I've ever loved her as much as I loved her in that moment. She'd never come to me and told me about Peter because she wanted me to be free. To me, that was the ultimate way of saying 'I love you'.
"Bobby..." She leaned to me more, resting her body to mine, and let me take over.
"I love you, Sarah"
I could hear her reply the same affectionate words to me, against my neck, but she'd already said it more clear than words ever could. She'd given up the dream of a family, just so that I could move on, and live my life. Only too bad that I didn't want to. My eyes averted to the crib.